


the stars look very different today

by XioNin



Series: Starman: Sander's Song [3]
Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Pining, Self-Reflection, hint of MI, post 21:21, s3 ep4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 06:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21351904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XioNin/pseuds/XioNin
Summary: Sander's still a little wet, still a little cold, and he can't stop smiling.But when he reaches out, Robbe doesn't reach back.
Relationships: Robbe Ijzermans/Sander Driesen
Series: Starman: Sander's Song [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1533593
Comments: 8
Kudos: 104





	the stars look very different today

**Author's Note:**

> I hate the pain but I love the journey. Poor Sander.  
It will all be okay.  
That's what I keep telling myself.  
The boys will be okay.

Sander was fizzy. From the tips of his toes to the ends of his hair, his body hummed with echoes of Robbe’s lips on his, Robbe’s hands on his skin, Robbe’s smile, Robbe’s eyes. _Robbe, Robbe, Robbe_.

He flopped back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, images from the night playing in his head in a loop he never wanted to end. Drinking and laughing and singing, the wind in their hair. The ice blue confessional of the pool where Sander had finally tasted Robbe’s truth.

What a night. Sander had no idea what he thought would happen when he woke up this morning, but it wasn’t this.

He grabbed his phone, the temptation to call Robbe so overwhelming he threw it down and ran both hands over his face. Then he picked it up again and thumbed over to Spotify. This was a Bowie moment if ever there was one. He kicked off the playlist he’d made for Robbe, hit ‘shuffle play’ and tossed the phone away again. He didn’t trust himself with it.

Wouldn’t it have been amazing if they’d been listening to the same song at the same time?

The truth was, Sander had started making the Bowie playlist a week ago. It had taken days to shape it into exactly what he needed it to be, an introduction. (And not only into one of the greatest human beings and THE greatest musical artist that had ever, _ever_ lived – hands down – no arguments, please.) Sander hoped Robbe would listen to the lyrics and be moved as he was always moved. Maybe even begin to understand him a little.

It was either that or give him a copy of _The Gnostic Gospels_ and send him running in the other direction. No, the music served as a more accessible invitation into Sander’s world. A portal to the whirlwind of his thoughts and the secret language of his soul.

It had taken another few days to come up with the courage to actually _send_ it to Robbe, and Sander had felt ridiculous as soon as he’d tossed out the URL. On a whim, he’d decided to videocall Robbe just to say _hey, I know it was weird to send you a playlist when _Legacy_, and _Best Of_, and all of the other compilations exist, but you make me stupid and I couldn’t help myself._

When Robbe had answered, and Sander had heard Bowie playing in the background already, it was as if Robbe had pressed a finger to the tender bruise Sander hadn’t realized he had around his heart.

Britt hated Sander’s music. Refused to even listen to it anymore.

Robbe seemed, well, at least interested.

_“You’ve already started? Awesome list, right?”_

_“Yes. Nice.” _Robbe had grinned, so shy_._

Sander couldn’t help but to tease him a little. He was so easy to tease. So cute when he blushed. _“It’s one for beginners, though.”_

_“When do I get permission to listen to the one for advanced users?”_

When I get you alone. _“When you pass your first Bowie exam.”_

_“Is it a difficult exam?”_

Fuck. Sander had wanted to be there. Had wanted to explain the subtle differences between the two remastered versions of _Starman_ and how, though the 2012 one cleaned up Trevor Bolder’s muddy bass track, Bowie’s vocals really sparkled on the one from 2002. He wanted to be in the room when Robbe heard _Slow Burn_ for the first time. He wanted to look into Robbe’s eyes as he sang it to him, _these are the days, these are the strangest of all, these are the nights, these are the darkest to fall._

_“You could bribe the teacher.”_

_“Do I dare take that risk?”_

Their back and forth had become second nature already. And it wasn’t until the tone of the conversation shifted that Sander knew, _knew_, he had to find a way to be alone with him one day soon. He thought maybe Robbe knew it too. Slow burn indeed.

The night had been anything but slow.

Sander didn’t know what the deal was between Robbe and Noor, but it hadn’t looked good. Back at the beach, there had been a real hot-and-cold vibe there he’d almost convinced himself he’d imagined until tonight. Until Noor took off, and Robbe stared after her like a puppy she’d kicked and left on a leash.

Sitting next to Robbe at the bar, the guy had just looked so down. So worried and dejected. Sander hadn’t known what to do to bring back shy, grinning Robbe. Teasing, flirty Robbe. So, he’d suggested they get out of there. Running away had always worked for him.

No plan, just the freedom of the night and the person he most wanted to be with beside him. Sander had basked in it, the nearness of Robbe. The ease with which they’d traversed the night together. Teasing, flirty Robbe had returned with a vengeance, casually tossing Sander's words back at him with a wink and a knowing smile.

This guy.

He was adventurous too. It had only taken a little push to get him to risk getting caught at the pool. To strip away all of his layers.

That had been a stroke of genius on Sander's part. Or more like a desperate attempt to crack open Robbe’s shell and see what he was made of. Which, as he'd suspected, was Starlight.

Sander grinned to himself, his fingers tracing over his lips where they still burned from Robbe’s slight stubble. He liked the guy _so much_. A ridiculous amount. He’d had it bad before they kissed, and now it was just… He couldn’t bring himself to think of it as anything but inevitable.

Tonight had been amazing. Nearly perfect, for him at least, and Sander cannot believe it really happened. That he’d had Robbe in his grasp.

He couldn’t wait to see what came next, and fell asleep in damp clothes, his dreams all tinged with icy blue.

When he awoke, the sun was high in the sky. Sander stretched, groaning at the state of himself and the bed. He’d have to change the sheets, but he was smiling.

He was still smiling as he picked up his phone until he saw the three missed messages from Britt. He’d have to talk to her. She wouldn’t understand. She never did. Yeah, that was not going to be a fun conversation.

But first…

He messaged Robbe.

**SANDER: Sleep well? :***

It looked like Robbe read the message almost immediately.

Grinning down at his phone like an idiot, Sander waited for a response. When nothing came, he noticed the time. It was still early. Robbe was probably still half-asleep.

Sander levered himself off the bed and stripped out of his still-slightly-damp clothes. He needed a hot shower and some coffee, then he’d try calling. He ached to hear Robbe’s voice. To see if he could gauge his mood. His intentions.

He was rubbing a towel through his clean, damp hair when he picked up his phone fifteen minutes later. Still no response.

**SANDER: Sleep well? :* ✓✓**

Sander huffed out a laugh. Robbe was such a lightweight. He’d just have to serenade him again, wake him up with _Moonage Daydream_ or _White Light_.

But when he tried to call, it didn’t connect. It didn’t do anything. He frowned and tried again with the same result.

“Stupid app.”

He restarted the app.  
He restarted the phone.

He tried again and again and…then, suddenly, he understood. His smile evaporated.

It was no big secret that Sander was fucked in the head. He knew it. Britt knew it. Robbe probably knew it now too, after last night. Fire was hot, grass was green, and Sander was…wrong.

He thumbed back over to Spotify, scrolling through dozens of tracks until he found one that fit. One that reminded him of who he needed to be.

_Seeing more and feeling less_  
_Saying no but meaning yes_  
_This is all I ever meant_  
_That’s the message that I sent_  
_I can’t give everything_

Sander wanted things. Impossible things. Things he really didn’t deserve.  
He should have known he didn’t deserve Robbe.

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics at the end are from "I Can't Give Everything Away" by David Bowie
> 
> Remember, you can find me on **[Tumblr](https://xionin.tumblr.com/)**  
There's also a Spotify a playlist: **[Click Here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7IooNHSRGtEeQ3RjeRQwcn?si=q1l2SYTDTVi8eQRl7lIjGA%22)**


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